


DAYS

by BananaSins



Series: Collection of Mu-S.I.C. [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Introspection, Songfic, guilt in written form
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 03:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21029564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananaSins/pseuds/BananaSins
Summary: “Because in the end, she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. But there would be no miracle of sweeping things under the rug and forgetting the sins and pain she’d inflicted on them.”A drabble inspired from DAYS by Poppin' Party.





	DAYS

_Even though I’d seen my distant dreams so clearly_  
_I lost sight of what was special to me_

_ [DAYS - Poppin' Party](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_-L2QBOTOA) _

* * *

In the hustling, bustling city, everyone was doing their own thing. Walking, talking, spending time with their partners or a group of people they could trust. Glancing at the sky above, it was as blue as her feelings. It was now spring, and it was evident on the city. The city that was calm, serene and filled with gentleness. Forward she went, observing the view she could see in her vision. Like the spring, they were happy, but unlike spring, when she looked up at the tear-colored sky, a wave of sadness washed over her.

She knew. She knew the distant dreams were still near--it was still so vivid, so clear. But alas, like always, she lost sight of what was special to her, not because it drifted away, but she took the initiative to cut the ropes that led her to that dream.

She reached the exit of the city. Ahead was a pathway that led to a secluded area. Glancing back at how bright and lively the place was, it was no place for someone like her to stay. She was an impure person, hands drenched in blood, soul soaked in hatred. The intense, fleeting fragments of memories was what kept her from taking her own life filled with regret, sadness, and the realization that she couldn’t atone for her sins, to continue to live for herself and her dreams. Even if one day the hate and misery would fully engulf her, she would never, ever forget these feelings.

* * *

The sun was starting to set, and the view was beautiful. The wind blew gently over the faded landscape she was in. It brushed past her face, the coolness gently resurfaced the memories she kept suppressing. She didn’t want to keep thinking about the precious memories, it merely brought more pain than happiness. She wished she recalled her ignorant childhood, the days before she traveled in Europe and met them.

Even if she managed to forgive herself and atone for the lives she took, even if she continues to walk to the path that led her to happiness, she could never return to those memories again. The final words that were spoken towards one another, she had concluded it as their first lies. Her late friend said she would succeed, she just gotta rely on them. She said she would bloom into a flower, always gentle but knows when to put on a brave face, but look where she was now. Her late friend would surely be disappointed in the way she was now.

* * *

Being stoic, cold and quiet was all just a lie. Misrepresenting her feelings, burying her true self so she wouldn’t be hurt any longer. The answered lied from the season passed, it reminded her of her old self. Gentle breeze, like how she used to be timid around the new face. She wondered, what would her old friend think of her? After finding out what she’d done all these time, pushing the people that could have helped her be a be a better person, to make up for the mistakes she’d done, and to still be the same person she was back then, if not better?

Even though she couldn’t do anything now, she had to do _ something _ . No matter how small or miniscule, no matter how normal or simple, she should do _ something _. After all, she was just in a loop of asking and answering her own questions, stuck in a state of repetition. Even if she wanted to change her state, she couldn’t. What would be the point of amending her mistakes if it was too late to go back and come back to the few she cherished the most? It wasn’t like she had a chance to go back and apologize--it had been months to years since she last saw them.

* * *

Unable to sleep, she dragged the lone chair close to the window. She sat down and glanced at the view, admiring the street lights that illuminated the street below. It was evident that these street lights had here for so long, always up for the still, lonely night. Unlike the steady glow of the streetlight, she mused about her memories being like a revolving lantern. Inside her mind, her memories keep turning and racing, always active inside of her. But, no matter how many times she tried to cling to those fleeting memories, they disappear. Not because she stopped thinking, but because of the harsh reality the had to remember--it was too late to get back to those days, not after what she’d done.

Her outside appearance may be stoic and rigid, but inside, she was like a Merry-Go-Round of sadness. The area was vacant, but it still kept running until it dies out, depleting its life force. What was the point of this? Why was she still clinging onto the dreams she threw away for the sake of protecting them from harm?

Because in the end, she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. But there would be no miracle of sweeping things under the rug and forgetting the sins and pain she’d inflicted on them. It was better to be away from her old friends and stay alone forever. A slow dance from the melody she hums at midnight, within a prison only she could visit and escape if she so desired.

* * *

She remembered his parting words, a promise they made on that day. She couldn’t keep her promise, she let it crumble and scatter. He promised her that when they see each other again, they would still be friends. She promised that the next time he sees him, she would be a better person than she was with him. The guilt of being unable to fulfill her part broke her peaceful slumber and turn her into a sweaty, panicked mess. 

She couldn’t let those fleeting dreams go. Even if she was a failure, even if she was driven to the point of being consumed by madness, she would reminisce about those days. They were important, and it was a reminder of who she was, who she used to be. Closing her eyes as she relished the comfort of the gentle breeze, she wished for a day where she could drop this facade and embrace who she truly was, for the sake of someone that would stay with her no matter how much of an awkward mess she was.

* * *

Elke wiped the corner of her eye as she leaned back in her chair. The first step of doing that _ something _ … it was _ this _. Slowly, she would write down the things that swallowed her whole, for her sake. Recalling her old friends and how she failed to even do things to remember them, disregarding the promises for the sake of protecting them from an impure person like her. 

A soft sigh escaped her lips.

How did she even end up achieving this fleeting dream she held on until the end of time?

Why was she chosen? Why not someone better, someone that could be more honest with their feelings? Someone that wasn’t an awkward mess, someone who wouldn’t push him away?

Elke swallowed the lump in her throat. She must prepare for what he would think once he read this.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm bad at tags hhhhhh. This is pretty difficult to write even though I wrote it in just two nights, way harder than Pour Me and Thanks, For Choosing Me.


End file.
